After careful consultation with my cats and a mention to my family, I hereby throw my crown in the ring to become your next King.
I will be a youthful 60 years old when I ascend the thrown, so no worries there. My joints ache a bit and I need reading glasses but I can form complete sentences on my own that have some basis in truth.
One of the first things I plan to do, loyal subjects, is to make the White House a bit more fitting for a king. It needs a moat, for example, and perhaps an audio-animatronic dragon that spits fire and allows Taylor Swift to perform inside of it.
I will require simple things: a throne, a scepter, and a crown. Maybe a nice robe or two.
I’m sure you are wondering if I will be a good king or a bad king. I promise to be a good king. When I ignore Congress and the Judicial branch, it will be for good reasons. I will take things into my own hands only when I feel it is best. Not if I feel it will be worse.
What will I actually do? Well, I mostly will want to sit on my throne and have people either give me gifts or entertain me in some way. Perhaps go to a few banquets. Those who please me the most will be rewarded in some way.
One thing I will do is replace our nation’s transportation infrastructure with roller coasters. They are much more fun. All subways and train tracks will be converted. Loyal subjects on their way to toil for me in the factories and fields will be energized by the corkscrews and loops during their morning commutes. And of course, the nation’s highways will become monorails. Glorious monorails for all my subjects! Oh how they will love it!
I will proclaim more once installed next January.
Until then, there is a very short time to convince everyone to write my name in as King this coming November. Send money and other cool things, and spread the word.
Vote King Christopher I
Doubled Over Feature
My studio pitch is more in the horror vein. The protagonist is trying to chase down a thief but motion is arrested, like trying to run underwater. They awaken to suddenly to find they’ve been paralyzed by some kind of nerve agent, and pinned to a board. A crazed scientist stands over them- with lobotomized patrons looking on in an observation room- and launches a series of unspeakable experiments, bending body parts into impossible positions, playing insidious children’s hymns at bizarre frequencies on loops thru VR headsets..then, like clockwork, the orange man bolts eyelids open, ranting about precious bodily fluids as the lab catches fire.
Camera pulls back to reveal millions of people in the same situation. As the flames close in, again the incapacitated dreamer struggles to awaken, it’s a dream with a dream. And they realize, with extreme exasperation, perhaps too late, being woke is no way out.
Then Biden is also imune
Biden can throw any Supreme Court justice he chooses into permanent solitary, appoint their replacements, suspend all Republicans from Congress, stay in office for as long as he likes, and choose his successor. Oh. . . and make Trump disappear forever. Hurray for the Imperial Presidency!
But,
… Biden said he wouldn’t do anything like that. I however, will test the limits of Kingship for you, if chosen.
(I’m curious how someone wanting to revenge prosecute their predecessor will accomplish that if they just asked for and received a ruling that says their predecessor is immune from such prosecution. All the current occupant has to say is “Immune!” and it all goes away.)
Reminder, I am running for King. Send tributes to my mailing address and I will make note.