How many candidates do you think have declared their intentions to run for president in 2016? Go ahead and guess.
Fifteen? Twenty? Twenty five? Thirty? Place your bets, now.
The answer, according the the Federal Election Commision website, is that over 500 citizens have stepped forward for your consideration.
There are some great names on this list, too. Are we ready as a nation for President Sydneys Voluptous Buttocks? Or how about President President Emperor Caesar (President is a first name as well as a title here.)
Abbott, Gifford Wheeler Jr, Ind
Abernathy, Christopher Scott, Unk
Adams, Jack Lynn, Rep
Adeshina, Yinka Abosede, Rep
Aguilar, Danny Google, W
Aldridge, Robert Frank, Ind
Allen, Darryl Glenn Mr, Ind
Allen, James Pressley, Oth
Allen-reese, Pogo Mochello, Rep
Altimari, Joseph, Ind
Anderson, Joseph Edward Dr. Jr., Rep
Andrews, Charles Perry Iii, Rep
Antley, Ray Mills Jr Md, Rep
Anzoli, Armando, Rep
Arayle, Nicole Lynn, Ind
Armstrong, Brandon Christina, Dem
Ashe, Warren Roderick, Dem
Asher, Paul, Ind
Askin, Ray William Mr, Rep
Astor, Howell Alexander, Dem
Bailey, George Brent Jr, Rep
Baker, Edward Lane, Nne
Baker, Jacob, Unk
Barnes, Dyjuan D
Barnhart, Donald Lewis Mr. Jr, Ind
Baucom, David Edward, Rep
Bell, James Jerome Mr., Dem
Bennett, Danny Michael Mr. Ii, Uni
Berhane, Danielle Husser, Rep
Berman, Maryanne Bridget, Iap
Bickelmeyer, Michael, Rep
Bizga, John Carl, Rep
Blair, Michael Kent, Ind
Blass, Piotr Dr, Nne
Blyth, John Douglas, Dem
Boateng, Kwame Appiah, Rep
Boisselle, Chad Eugene, Idp
Bolar, Shelia Mariah, Ind
Bonificia, Anthony A Jr, Rep
Bonpasse, Morrison Mckelvy, Dem
Boris, Robert, Un
Boris, Robert Igor Mr., Un
Borman, Matthew Jay, Amp
Borrell, Eric James, Ind
Bosley, Meridi Richardson, Dem
Boss, Jeffrey Harlan, Dem
Bowers, Kerry Dale, Rep
Bowhall, William Ernest Jr, Ind
Boydston, J Father Rev, Ind
Bralich, Philip A, Dem
Brandkamp, Spencer, W
Brannan, Charles Gordon, Nne
Brannan, Daniel Lester, Rep
Braul, Harry William Iii, Dem
Breyfogle, Peter Howard Mr, Npa
Brooks, Arthur Herbert Mr. Jr, Dem
Brooks, Mark, Ind
Brown, Harley D, Nne
Brown, Sammy Murel, Rep
Brucato, George James, Rep
Brummett, James Carl, Ind
Bukewihge, Edie Mrs, Dem
Bush, Jeb, Rep
Bush, Willita D, Gre
Buttocks, Sydneys Voluptous, Ind
Byers, James Robert, Ind
Caesar, President Emperor, Dem
Caffrey, Andrew Augustine Iv, Dem
Caissie, Gary David, Rep
Campbell, Johnnie C, Nne
Cannaday, Paul Benjamin-dielman, Ind
Capone, Dean Alan Mr., Oth
Carroll, Jerry Leon, Nne
Carson, Benjamin S Sr Md, Rep
Carter, Willie Felix, Dem
Castillejos, Michael, Fed
Castillo, John Michael Mr, Ind
Castleberry, Francis Raymond, Rep
Cavanagh, Eric Scott, Rep
Chafee, Lincoln Davenport Mr., Dem
Charles, Joseph, Ind
Chehade, Paul, Ind
Chen, James Jyhyenn, Dem
Chester, John Chapman, Ind
Christensen, Dale H, Rep
Christie, Christopher J, Rep
Cincotta, Christopher John, Ind
Cintron, Doris, Oth
Ciotti, Anthony Mr. Iii, Ind
Clark, Brittany Lauren, Dem
Clinton, Hillary Rodham, Dem
Cole, Brian Ari Dr, Rep
Cole, Scott Michael, Rep
Collins, James Casey, Dem
Conger, Amy, Nne
Copeland, Arlon Scott, Con
Cordover, Alexander Mr., Lib
Cornell, Philip Mr., Ind
Costello, Regis J, Ind
Crawfish, Crawfish, Oth
Crawford, Philip Rashad Mr. W
Cray, Maro Day, Lib
Criveau, James Dennis, Cst
Crombie, Melody Anne Mrs., Rep
Cross, Kenneth Robert, Ref
Croston, Timothy, Nne
Crotzer, Ezekiel George, Rep
Cruz, Rafael Edward “Ted”, Rep
Cullison, Brooks Andrews, Rep
Davidson, Margaret M, Oth
Day, Tim (Texas Slim), Dem
De Buonaparte, Hrm Caesar St Augustine, Oth
Deame, Kevin, Oth
Dean, Daniel Lane, Unk
Debow, Mr Paul W, Rep
Del Hierro, Arturo Mr, Ind
Dell, Craig Steven, Ind
Delong, Paul, Rep
Dename, Michael Jr, Nne
Devine, Robert, Oth
Dietrich, George Wayne Ii, Dem
Digges, William Michael Mr, Lib
Diggs, Michael Wayne, Rep
Dillon, Steve Allen, Unk
Donaldson, Kenneth, Rep
Donges, Kevin A, Ind
Drake, Patrick Anthony, Rep
Drew, Arthur E, Ind
Dubon, Todd Norman, Rep
Duckwald, Wanda Gayle, Rep
Duffy, Andrew Elijah Mister, Ind
Duke, Douglas Hewitt, Rep
Duke, Douglas Hewitt Mr., Rep
Duke, Ronald, Rep
Dummett, John Albert Jr, Rep
Duncan, Larry Weldon, Nne
Dutter, Mark Joseph, Ind
Dutton, Kristi Freeland, Dem
Ealy, Larry Ellis, Dem
Edwards, Jenny, Unk
Edwards, Katee, Unk
Elgar, Miss Betsy Pauline, Con
Elijah, Isis, Rep
Elliott, Claire Elisabeth, Ind
Elliott, Jonathan Lee, Oth
Emrit, Ronald Satish, Dem
Erwin, Nicholas Dale Mr., Dem
Eurton, John Paul, Npa
Evans, Jonathan Thomas, Ind
Evans, Nicholas, Rep
Everson, Mark, Rep
Faas, Souraya, Ind
Fanning, Charles Raymond, Oth
Farber, Stuart Ross, Rep
Farkas, Timothy R, Ind
Farmer, Elmer Mr. Jr, Rep
Feeney, Gerald Francis, Rep
Feldman, Marc Allan, Lib
Fellure, Lowell Jackson, Rep
Ferguson, John Green, Oth
Fiorina, Carly, Rep
Fleming-hodge, Lori Lynn, Ind
Flores, Matthew David, W
Forsyth, John Scott, Dem
Foster, Gregory A, Ind
Fox, Cherunda Lynn, Rep
Fratterson, Turk Yolninetimes Mr., Rep
Froeber, Will Mr., Ind
Gaffen, Adam, Ind
Gambert, Jason, Oth
Gividen, Kenn, Oth
Gladstone, Steve, Ind
Glore, Todd Richard, Ind
Gove, Jeremy, Un
Graham, Lindsey O, Rep
Graham, Mark Blair, W
Green, Jim, Dfl
Gribble, Quancidine Hinson, Dem
Grimaldi, Neil, Dem
Griskie, Christin Noel, Rep
Gyurko, Zoltan Istvan, Oth
Hahn, Martin, Ind
Hanger, Emmett W Jr, Rep
Hankins, Gerald Lamar Mr, Dem
Hansen, Maxwell Doctor No, Ace
Harding, Raymond Allen Mr, Cst
Harkins, Scott Allen, Npa
Hart, Jason Aaron, Dem
Hart, Linda J, Unk
Hawkins, Tameika Nicole, Rep
Hayden, James A, Rep
Hendrix, David Quinn, Ind
Henry, Selden Kennedy, Rep
Higginson, Robert, Lib
Hill, Christopher V, Rep
Hill, Phillip Kenneth Sr, Ind
Hodge, Charles Junior, Dem
Hoffman, Ralph Robbie Mr. Sir., Dem
Hogan, Daniel Jared Mr, Un
Hoinoski, Dale, Ind
Holcomb, David Christopher, Ind
Holt, Michael Mcgregor Mr, Un
Hopkins, Donald R Jr, Unk
Horn, Christopher Darren Mr., Npa
Howard, William Burn Mr, Ind
Hubbell, Michael Wayne, Ind
Huber, Frank Steven David Ii, Iap
Huckabee, Mike, Rep
Hunt, Eugene Rosell Jr, Rep
Hyde, Justin Nicholas Mr., Rep
Ince, Cecil Anthony, Lib
Irwin, Thomas J, Oth
Jackson, Roland, Unk
Jackson, Sarah Lee-budd, Ind
Jacob-fambro, Princess Khadijah M Pres, Oth
Jacobson, Steven D, Ind
Janda, Darin Donald Mr, Ind
Jenkins, Michael Dwayne, Unk
Jennings, Gerald John Mr. Ii, Dem
Jeroboan, Kins, Rep
Jerry, Renee Keya, Npa
Jewell, Edward Carlton, Sr, Ind
Jewell, Roger Henry, Rep
Jindal, Bobby, Rep
Johnson, Barry L, Ind
Johnson, Tyrone Mr, Rep
Jones, Daniel Karl, Aip
Jones, Danny Royce Mr. Sr., Rep
Jones, Kelby Andrew Mr., Dem
Jones, Sue Lisa, Ind
Jones, Terry Dr, Npa
Jones, Vincent Charles Ii, Oth
Jones-taylor, Gayle Loletha Ms, Dem
Josephs, Keith Daniel Mr., Ind
Julius, Tyrone, Rep
Justice, Brenda Dawn, Rep
Kahn, Lynn Sandra, Ind
Kalemkarian, Timothy Charles, Rep
Kaminsky, Glenn Mr., Dem
Karst, Richard, Hel
Katt, Cornelius Jannik, Oth
Keita, Mohammed, Dem
Keller, Marc Alexander Paul, Ind
Kelso, Lloyd Thomas, Dem
Kenny, James J, Ind
Kerbel, Steven Elliott, Lib
Kinlaw, Michael Wayne, Rep
Kinsey, Ronald Louis, Oth
Kissi, Alexander Ob. Bishop, Rep
Kittredge, Gary Stephen, Un
Klein, Darren Andrew, Oth
Kline, Chad Christopher, W
Kuffel, Robert Ellery, Lib
Labo, Thomas Matthew, Ind
Lance-council, Temperance, Oth
Lang, Jennifer Marie Dr., Rep
Larm, David Robert Mr, Un
Larose, Josue, Rep
Laurel-smith, Abbey, Rep
Lavigne, Jonathan Paul, Dem
Law, James “Titus The Great”, Dem
Lax Miller, Loretta, Dem
Lee, Kip, Lib
Lee, Monroe, Rep
Lee…, R…., Oth
Lehigh, Robert Fane, Ind
Leonard, Jerry L, Rep
Lewis Jr, Julian Bishop, Ind
Librace, David, Ind
Lichtenfels, Brian Keith Mr, Un
Lin, David Tawei Mr., Ind
Linder, Matthew Steven, Dem
Liu, Geoffrey Kuang Hua, W
Livingston, David Blaine, Oth
Lloyd, June La’gay, Ind
Long, Charles Anthony, Rep
Lopez, Aurora, Rep
Lowe, Donald Eugene, Ind
Lower, Bartholomew James, Rep
Lunde, Barbara Jean, Nne
Lutz, Randall Roy, Ind
Lynch, Dennis M, Rep
Lynch, Dennis Michael, Rep
Lynch, William Thomas Mr, Oth
Mace, Raymond Mr., Ind
Mackimzey, Deborah Mae, Ind
Macleod, Robert Allen Mr. Jr., Ame
Malone, Joan, Rep
Manley, Elijah D, Npa
Markovich, Barbara Mae Adams, Rep
Martin, James Ray, Rep
Martinez, Shawna Joy, Ind
Martinx, Andy, Rep
Martisko, Mike Benjamin, Rep
Mathews, Corneluis, Rep
Maul, Lester Ralph Mr Jr, Dem
Mccall, Angie, Nne
Mccubbins, Limberbutt, Dem
Mcdowell, Eddie, Rep
Mceachern, Jennifer Ann, Ind
Mcginnis, Steven Michael, Un
Mckart, Patrick Stephen, Oth
Mckown, Darrell Mack, Dem
Mcmanus, Myles Mr., Un
Mcmenemy, Michael, Dem
Mcneal Johnson, William Joseph, Ind
Mei, Ruby, Ind
Mejias, Robert Junior Mr, Idp
Menard, Roland Durphy Iii, Ind
Menier, Thomas Kent Sr, Ind
Mercer, Lee L Jr, Dem
Merry, Linda Louise, Ind
Michaels, Daniel Travis, Dem
Mickert, Andrew Charles, Oth
Miller, Raymond Melvin, Rep
Milligan, Jeremy Lee Mr., A99
Mills, David Allen, Dem
Mills, David Allen Mr, Rep
Mims, Tiffani El Dawn, Rep
Mitchell, James Creighton Mr Jr, Rep
Molinelli, Corey James Mr, Cst
Moody, Derick, Oth
Moore, Billy Tom, Ind
Moore, Timothy Jay Mr., Rep
Morascini, David John, Nne
Morcom, Perry Wayne, Ind
Morgan, Brandon Jared, Ind
Moynihan, Shawn Stephen, Ind
Mullikin, Tony, Nne
Murphy, Justin Robert Mr, Gre
Murphy, Rome Ii, Dem
Myers, Hilary Helen, Npa
Myers, Timothy Hamilton, Ind
Nagel, Eric, Ind
Nagle, Gloria Jean, Ind
Neff, Craig Alan Mr., Npa
Nelson, Uryan Mr., Ind
Neveu, Deonia P, Ind
Newland, K. Ross, Rep
Nicely, Michael, Idp
Nichols, Roger, Oth
O’grady, Timothy Patrick, Ind
O’malley, Martin Joseph, Dem
O’mara, Donald Gail, Ind
Oatman, Michael Reverend, Ind
Ogle, James Orlando Iii, Rep
Olewine, Scot Grant, Rep
Oleyar, Jeffrey M, W
Oliverez, Esteban Miguel Mr., Rep
Ott, Susan Gelber, Dem
Owens, Daniel Robert, Dem
Owens, Warren Patrick, Un
Pataki, George E, Rep
Patterson, Stephen Michael, Rep
Paul, Rand, Rep
Pavilack, Harry, Dem
Paylin, Sara H. Ms. Pe, Jcn
Pendleton, Mark C, Ind
Penn, Margie Nell, Dem
Pent, Jeremiah, Ind
Perera, Ryan Joseph Quinton Mr., Com
Perkins, Angus Valentino, Dem
Perkins, Gary Wayne Jr, Ind
Perry, Charles Chaz Leland Iii, Ind
Perry, Darryl W, Lib
Perry, James R (Rick), Rep
Peter, Richard, Rep
Petyo, Michael Edward, Rep
Pfleiderer, Rebecca, Nne
Piatt, Marty Mr., Unk
Pica, Louis S, Nne
Pinkney Butts, Pamela M Rev, Oth
Pinnavaia, Matthew D, Nne
Pittman, William A, Un
Poders, Eric M, Ind
Powell, Michel Anissa I, Dem
Powell, Samuel Lyndell, Ind
Pribble, Robert Leonard Ii, Dem
Propsner, William Paul, Rep
Pruitt, William Jason Mr., Lib
Quartey, Mary Aku, Dem
Raffone, John Louis Mr, Dem
Rainey, Kelley Bracken Ms., Oth
Ramos, Luis Alberto Jr, Dem
Raphael, David Md, Oth
Ravishanker, Dinesh, Oth
Reed, C C, Oth
Reed, Robert J Mr, Oth
Reedy, Darwin Misha Rose, Ind
Reid, Derrick Michael, Lib
Rhodes, Lee, Dem
Richardson, William Knox, Hel
Rodeo, Kenny, Rep
Rogers, Lorren Mr, Rep
Rohrbacker, Russell William, Dem
Rondeau, Don Larance, Ind
Rosenbaum, Andrew Scott Mr., Idp
Rosenberger, Paul Russell, Oth
Rubio, Marco, Rep
Rundberg, Jim L, Rep
Russell, Brian Patrick Ketterer, Rep
Sabbag, Douglas Walter, Rep
Salyer, William Brian, Npa
Sanders, Bernard, Dem
Santorum, Richard J., Rep
Saraceno, John Anthony Mr., Ind
Sauter, Donald, Unk
Savior, Ole’, Rep
Scarborough, Larry D, Unk
Schiess, John T, Rep
Schroeder, Will Dr, Dem
Schwartz, John Graham, Unk
Scrigna, Angelo Yoshannah, Dem
Scroggie, Jeremy, Ind
Scruggs, Michael W Reverend, Ind
Sewell, James Mccord Iii Mrs, Ind
Shahmoradi, Anthony Ahmed, Ind
Shepard, Ryan W Mr., Npa
Sherman, Jefferson Woodson, Rep
Shirley, Mark G, Npa
Sho, Muhammad, Unk
Shreffler, Doug, Dem
Shrum, Richard Lynn Mr, Ind
Sigsby, Robert Wayne, Ind
Simpson, Mary Erwin, Oth
Sims, Gregory, Rep
Singleton, Jerome, Dem
Skeens, D R, Oth
Sleggs, Mark Mr., Rep
Smith, Jeffrey Lynn, Rep
Smith, Keith
Smith, Scott Andrew, Ind
Smitherman, Tony, Oth
Snyder, Spencer Eric Mr., Ind
Sopkovich, Nicholas Alexander, Dem
Sparrow, Jack, Ind
Spears, Alan Errol Esq., Aip
Sponheim, David Jon, Oth
Stagg, Silvia, Rep
Stainfield, Tami L, Nne
Stein, Jill, Gre
Steinberg, Michael Alan, Dem
Stephens, Renee, W
Sterling, Shawna, Ind
Stetson, Joseph Arthur, Rep
Stevens, Jesse Lee Mr., Npa
Stevens, Patricia Diane, W
Stevens, Sherlene, Rep
Stewart, Warren Gregory, Oth
Stone, Dr Damian, Ind
Story, Rickey Joe, Ind
Strunk, Christopher Earl, Nbc
Swanson, Karin Lynn, Dem
Szczepanski, Michael Gary Dr, Rep
Szekely, Robert Edward, Ind
Tape , Paul Edward Jr, Oth
Tarlow, Zachary, Unk
Taus, Dan B., Ind
Taylor, Deacon Newell, Ind
Thomas, Judah, Ind
Thomas, Maxwell, Rep
Thompson, Morris Kent Mr., Un
Tittle, Sheila “Samm”, Ind
Tomlinson, Dwayne Alan. Rep
Torii, Dennis Roger Jr., Lib
Torkko, Carol Constance Mrs., Rep
Torrez, Matthew Mr., Nne
Touchettgess, Michele Ann Jones, Dem
Truitt, Paul Edward Dvm, Ind
Trump, Donald J, Rep
Tucker, Gary, W
Turnbull, John, Oth
Tyler, Mathew Lee, Ind
Uhric, Raymond John, Dem
Unden, Colton, Ind
Unsworth, Matthew Alexander, Ind
Usera, Joshua David, Ind
Van Allen, Harold William, Nbc
Van Bernum, George Joseph Mr. Jr, Ind
Vandewege, Mark Allen, Ind
Vaughn, Corrogan R, Rep
Vega, Isaac Adam Mr., W
Ventura, Andre F, Unk
Vince, Robert Andrew Mr. Jr, Nne
Walker, Doris V, Unk
Walker, Hugh Sgt, Oth
Walker, Michelle “Hope”, Ind
Walker, Scott, Nne
Walker, Thai Allen Rev., Rep
Walker, Victor Bryan, Ind
Wallace, William Leonard, Ind
Walsh, John R Iii, Dem
Waymire, Barbara Joy, Unk
Webb, James Henry Jr., Dem
Webster, Andrew J, Ind
Weigel, Benjamin Franklin, Ind
Weil, Richard Lyons, Dem
Wells, Andre, W
Wells, Robert Carr Jr, Dem
Wells, Thomas Baxter, Oth
Wentworth, Richard Lee, Oth
Wesson, David S, Oth
Wheelock, Terry Wayne, Ind
White, Daniel, Gre
White, Melissa Marie, Pch
Wicker, Thomas M, Ind
Wiley, Mike, Dem
Wilhelm, Michael Joseph Mr, Ind
Willey, Todd Wade, Oth
Williams, Elaine Whigham, Dem
Williams, Kent Lionel, Ind
Wills, Krystin Alexis, Dem
Wilson, Willie, Dem
Windett, Jeffrey James Mr, Dem
Winslow, Brad Mr., Dem
Winterbottom, Thomas Francis, Dem
Wood, John Joseph, Nne
Wyman, Kaye, Rep
Yancey, Floyd Azrael, Ind
Young, Susan, Dem
Zeiger, Chuck, Nne
Zutler, Daniel Paul Mr, Ind
Power Bait
A similarly vast list can be found here, cataloging artificial flies. These are imitations or patterns meant to trick fish. Some have a high degree of resemblance to actual flies. Some are merely suggestive, and some are outrageous gambits tied to a hook- a Hail Mary decoy.
This comparison between candidates and lures is more than a little germane. In the fishing game, although there are hundreds of flies listed, and many more homemade, there are only a handful that rise to the level of keepers, or must haves. These patterns have persisted, some for over a century, because they have brought consistent results. Since fisherman are known liars, this could mean that they have actually worked, or they have worked well enough to be reputable, and having them in one’s box is an easy way to appear credible to peers.
The most poignant facet of this simile is that it must be kept in mind, the lures are but specters of flies. They contain no nutritional value. Their efficacy is based on how plausible they are as a means to trick a fish.
Fisherman throw out a line. A candidate throws out a line. What the voter or fish will go for is never known for sure. The caught fish thought they were snapping at some food. The constituent voter thinks they are casting a ballot for a person of substance.
In fishing circles, it’s generally agreed upon, you can catch a fish with any pattern if the presentation is accurate. Enough of a splash to catch attention… not so much to alienate the quarry. Drift it with the current..no strange or awkward moves. If a fish is hungry enough at the end of the day they will take a nip at anything that doesn’t freak them out.
Shopping
If one were shopping for flies, and wasn’t a fisherperson, one might be distracted and tempted by fancy designs and pretty colors, missing the opportunity to get something that would actually work.
Dupelgangers
I’ve been enjoying fishing this summer as an antidote to media-overload, a balm for the rashes of consumerist and pop culture, and a link to archaic but still vital natural activity.
There’s power in the fact that a fly can be tied and used repeatedly for pennies. You could actually feed yourself as a result, though I practice catch and release. Meanwhile, the big fish candidates will spend hundreds of millions of dollars, mobilize uncountable man-hours of manufactured frenzy- and for the most part- it comes to nothing, expect perpetuation of underlying corruption.