Ode to Oxycontin, Upon Breaking Two Arms

On Healing Two Arms

The bones demand many naps
and I deny them not a thing.
But napping leads to dreamland
where Startle-man is King.

Boulders fall in his catacombs,
boards fly through his walls,
his bears tear holes in canvas tents,
and his horses kick through stalls.

King Startleman laughs as I knit my bones,
he laughs as I dream up escapes,
he laughs and cries and snorts and sighs
as he stomps on my wrist bones like grapes.

But brave sir Oxycotin,
and his squire Tylenol
are sneaking up behind his throne
with spikey chain and ball.

Smash goes Oxycontin
Wham goes Tylenol
and there lies ruined Startleman
bleeding in his tapestried hall.

Oxy asks me slyly
would I like him to play me a song?
Ty looks rather doubtful
and warns “Oxy is much too strong.”

When I decline Sir Contin’s concert
he says I might need him more.
But Tylenol is all I need
to tie Startleman to the floor.

So get thee behind me Oxy,
I needed you for awhile,
but that doesn’t mean
i am keen on thee
or your satanic smile.

Rolf

Comments | 3

  • Thanks!

    I like this poem.

    Stay strong and don’t be afraid to ask for help if Oxy won’t leave you alone. It is powerful and the best of people get hooked, or worse, pushed over to heroin when the legal options end.

    • i am already pretty much done with the oxycontin

      i was lucky, ibuprofen and tylenol really are enough for my needs 90% of the time.

  • thanks

    i consider it more doggerel than poetry, but doggerel has its place, and it was fun to write.

    here is what some people consider to be the best bit of doggerel ever written,

    The Cremation of Sam McGee
    BY ROBERT W. SERVICE

    There are strange things done in the midnight sun
    By the men who moil for gold;
    The Arctic trails have their secret tales
    That would make your blood run cold;
    The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,
    But the queerest they ever did see
    Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
    I cremated Sam McGee.

    Now Sam McGee was from Tennessee, where the cotton blooms and blows.
    Why he left his home in the South to roam ’round the Pole, God only knows.
    He was always cold, but the land of gold seemed to hold him like a spell;
    Though he’d often say in his homely way that “he’d sooner live in hell.”

    On a Christmas Day we were mushing our way over the Dawson trail.
    Talk of your cold! through the parka’s fold it stabbed like a driven nail.
    If our eyes we’d close, then the lashes froze till sometimes we couldn’t see;
    It wasn’t much fun, but the only one to whimper was Sam McGee.

    And that very night, as we lay packed tight in our robes beneath the snow,
    And the dogs were fed, and the stars o’erhead were dancing heel and toe,
    He turned to me, and “Cap,” says he, “I’ll cash in this trip, I guess;
    And if I do, I’m asking that you won’t refuse my last request.”

    Well, he seemed so low that I couldn’t say no; then he says with a sort of moan:
    “It’s the cursèd cold, and it’s got right hold till I’m chilled clean through to the bone.
    Yet ’tain’t being dead—it’s my awful dread of the icy grave that pains;
    So I want you to swear that, foul or fair, you’ll cremate my last remains.”

    A pal’s last need is a thing to heed, so I swore I would not fail;
    And we started on at the streak of dawn; but God! he looked ghastly pale.
    He crouched on the sleigh, and he raved all day of his home in Tennessee;
    And before nightfall a corpse was all that was left of Sam McGee.

    There wasn’t a breath in that land of death, and I hurried, horror-driven,
    With a corpse half hid that I couldn’t get rid, because of a promise given;
    It was lashed to the sleigh, and it seemed to say: “You may tax your brawn and brains,
    But you promised true, and it’s up to you to cremate those last remains.”

    Now a promise made is a debt unpaid, and the trail has its own stern code.
    In the days to come, though my lips were dumb, in my heart how I cursed that load.
    In the long, long night, by the lone firelight, while the huskies, round in a ring,
    Howled out their woes to the homeless snows— O God! how I loathed the thing.

    And every day that quiet clay seemed to heavy and heavier grow;
    And on I went, though the dogs were spent and the grub was getting low;
    The trail was bad, and I felt half mad, but I swore I would not give in;
    And I’d often sing to the hateful thing, and it hearkened with a grin.

    Till I came to the marge of Lake Lebarge, and a derelict there lay;
    It was jammed in the ice, but I saw in a trice it was called the “Alice May.”
    And I looked at it, and I thought a bit, and I looked at my frozen chum;
    Then “Here,” said I, with a sudden cry, “is my cre-ma-tor-eum.”

    Some planks I tore from the cabin floor, and I lit the boiler fire;
    Some coal I found that was lying around, and I heaped the fuel higher;
    The flames just soared, and the furnace roared—such a blaze you seldom see;
    And I burrowed a hole in the glowing coal, and I stuffed in Sam McGee.

    Then I made a hike, for I didn’t like to hear him sizzle so;
    And the heavens scowled, and the huskies howled, and the wind began to blow.
    It was icy cold, but the hot sweat rolled down my cheeks, and I don’t know why;
    And the greasy smoke in an inky cloak went streaking down the sky.

    I do not know how long in the snow I wrestled with grisly fear;
    But the stars came out and they danced about ere again I ventured near;
    I was sick with dread, but I bravely said: “I’ll just take a peep inside.
    I guess he’s cooked, and it’s time I looked”; … then the door I opened wide.

    And there sat Sam, looking cool and calm, in the heart of the furnace roar;
    And he wore a smile you could see a mile, and he said: “Please close that door.
    It’s fine in here, but I greatly fear you’ll let in the cold and storm—
    Since I left Plumtree, down in Tennessee, it’s the first time I’ve been warm.”

    There are strange things done in the midnight sun
    By the men who moil for gold;
    The Arctic trails have their secret tales
    That would make your blood run cold;
    The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,
    But the queerest they ever did see
    Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
    I cremated Sam McGee.

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Ode to Oxycontin, upon breaking two arms

Rolf Parker-Houghton
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Cynthia Parker-Houghton added 2 new photos — with Rolf Parker-Houghton.
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With the new hard cast and a little duct tape Rolf has some of his independence back.
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Emily Zervas I believe in you! (But it’s also really cute when Cynthia feeds you.)
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David F. Houghton Yay!
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On Healing Two Arms
The bones demand many naps
and I deny them not a thing.
But napping leads to dreamland
where Startle-man is King.
Boulders fall in his catacombs,
boards fly through his walls,
his bears tear holes in canvas tents,
and his horses kick through stalls.
King Startleman laughs as I knit my bones,
he laughs as I dream up escapes,
he laughs and cries and snorts and sighs
as he stomps on my wrist bones like grapes.
But brave sir Oxycotin,
and his squire Tylenol
are sneaking up behind his throne
with spikey chain and ball.
Smash goes Oxycontin
Wham goes Tylenol
and there lies ruined Startleman
bleeding in his tapestried hall.
Oxy asks me slyly
would I like him to play me a song?
Ty looks rather doubtful
and warns “Oxy is much too strong.”
When I decline Sir Contin’s concert
he says I might need him more.
But Tylenol is all I need
to tie Startleman to the floor.
So get behind me Oxy,
I needed you for awhile,
but that doesn’t mean
i am keen on thee
or your satanic smile.

Rolf

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