U.S. Barracks, Brattleboro, Feb. 18,
1864.
Dearest Abiah,
Well, here I am in the old spot all well and sound. Went on guard yesterday morning, it was horrible. The wind blew so that the old guard house cracked. It kept growing colder all day. I slept until half past two, then took charge of the guards until 8, but it was quite different from standing on post. I feel much better doing something than in staying in the office, but I have a nice chance to think sitting up alone. How much I thought of home you may guess. That is a place that is ever present with me. How the heart will yearn to embrace you and the children. I feel great anxiety for you all. I am afraid that your health will suffer taking so close care of the children. Well, I am getting impatient, I believe, to be separated so long from those that I love, yes love better than myself. I wish that we could all be turned loose, on the rebels, and I believe that we could use them up and all come home again without furloughs, won’t that be a happy time. I know that it will be to my heart, but I want the rebels all whipped. I can feel pleasure in clasping you in my arms now, but if I could do it and feel that the war was over, and peace reigned throughout the land, that the foot of the patriot was upon the neck of the traitor, or rather that the rope was around the neck of the traitor, so that the foot might be free Oh that would be joyful indeed. There will be peace, and that a happy peace sometime, of that is assured. War is the word now. How much the country suffers, no one knows. There are thousands of hearts that bleed, but I believe the North knows nothing in comparison with
(here it seems the transcriptionist missed a line!)
A year’s pay will not buy a barrel of flour, then look at their conscription. There is not even a draft but every man is declared to be in the army. All that is necessary is to catch him. The old soldier that has served his time is by law declared enlisted during the war, whether he will or not. The man that has heretofore furnished a substitute is forced into the army and the substitute retained. That is the despotism that is to be fought, not only the negro, but the poor white man is the slave of Jef Davis. It does not seem possible that men can submit to such degradation, but the mass are poor and ignorant. I hope there is a bright future for their children. How dear that old flag will be to them sometime. It appears strange to me that any man can be so led away as to fight against it, and I fully believe that the time will come when it will be as dear to the hearts of the people of the South as the North. Its stars will shine all the brighter for the mists of treason that now shut it from their view. I want my boys to feel that the flag is to be loved, that for it father has left a home that was dear to him, left those that were dearer than life itself. Oh, how I want them to love their country and to hate traitors and their treason. They are of the right age to fix impressions of such things. Most of those that I have I believe are owing to the saying of my grandfather. He was a patriot and when I was small the feeling was instilled into me. I expect the soil was natural for the growth, but I hope that when peace does come it will be so permanent that my boys will never have to leave their home nor homes to fight a traitor to the Stars and Stripes.
I do not get along so fast as I wish with my studies, but there is a good deal to learn. Don’t you hope the war will be ended before I get ready to go forward for an examination? I do. I shall try to come home before I go, or immediately after. If after I shall probably get a good furlough. Perhaps, I had better come before, for if I should fail, I should not want to come back here again, and would not if I could help it, but I must think of no such thing as fail. It must go. The thought of you and the children nerves me to undertake anything and we will live long and enjoy ourselves under our own vine and fig tree yet, but it will not do to anticipate that good time too much, with 2 ½ years and more staring me in the face. Well, well, what have I been writing as much of this to you for? I expect when I get another letter from you, you will say, pray let your letters be a little more interesting to me but fact is ever since I went home last there has been a very strong home feeling running through me all the time, not that the soldiers life is more distasteful to me or we live hard or anything of the sort. I like the work part of the life of a soldier as well as anything I ever engaged in, but it is harder to be separated from you. Oh if I were at home tonight I would give you such a hearty kissing I should like to have thy dear cheek against my own and feel the clasp of those arms that have always given me the welcome of love but instead must go to the barracks and lie down cheerless. You must not think that I am sick or homesick, nor nothing of the sort. I am not.
