"We have too many high sounding words and too few actions that correspond with them." - Abigail Adams

User login

Welcome to iBrattleboro!

Welcome to iBrattleboro!
It's a local news source by and for the people of Brattleboro, Vermont, published continually. You can get involved in this experiment in citizen journalism by submitting meeting results, news, events, stories, reviews, how-to's, recipes, places to go, things to do, or anything else important to Brattleboro. Or, just drop by to see what others have contributed.

Find iBrattleboro on:

 Twitter YouTube

Authentically Local

Search the Archives

Ye Olde iBrattleboro Archive

Use the pulldown to choose desired number of results.

 

Search the first decade
of iBrattleboro archives
at Archive-It.org
Feb 20, 2003 to Feb 6, 2013

STD Epidemic In Brattleboro?


“Thank you for this meeting. It’s a rare opportunity to confer with someone who specializes in contagions. The conversation we are about to have must remain confidential. My concern is that within the next few years Brattleboro may be on the verge of experiencing an STD pandemic that is rapidly dispersing itself throughout the United States and is headed straight for our town.”

“What is it about this particular strain of STD that in your observations makes it so virulent?”

“Three things are troublesome; the complacency of residents regarding the emotional and personal impact of this STD; the unimaginable intrusiveness of this STD into their physical life; and the motivation of some malcontents to promote the STD as good for the community.”

“Do you know where this specific strain of STD originated?”

“This STD was in fact developed by various defense contractors in the United States that our military has successfully used in Afghanistan and Iraq to physically decimate the enemy. Within the last two years the engineered STD has been released throughout the United States where its impact is spreading like wildfire. What is truly scary is if you are out in public there is no way to protect yourself from the STD because it is airborne transmitted. Physical contact is not required.”

“An STD with no physical contact, are you kidding?”

“No.”

“And how do you know that this unique STD even exists?”

“I shot a photo of it.”

“You have a photograph of a STD?”

“Yes, I took the picture with my cell phone camera. Would you like to see it?”

“Yes, very much.”

“This is the STD which is an abbreviation for Small Town Drone that law enforcement will acquire on behalf of the residents of Brattleboro. It will be sold to taxpayers as a tool to find lost children. Representative Town Meeting specializes in guilt trips. That’s why our property taxes are so high. Because the word Drone has such terrible connotations, the STD will be renamed UAS which stands for Unmanned Aerial System. When combined with Brattleboro’s new Automatic License Plate Recognition System, these two new spy on resident technologies will allow the Brattleboro Selectboard to get up close and very personal with residents to find new and unique ways to tax them. It’s called thinking outside the box (aka coffin).”

RLElkins

»

Comments | 2

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
 #

Boxed In

We are laughing but it is not funny... ;)

 
 #

That’s nothing

Keene (In the Live Free or Die State) has just purchased a tank

Tank

Better not get stopped for speeding!

 

iBrattleboro Poll

Of the seven wonders of the ancient world, I'd most like to visit the

Choices